Just some thoughts...

"When the color goes out of my eyes, she usually does too." - Ryan Adams

I do not understand the Lord. Whatever books I may read, whatever expositions I claim, whatever theology I internalize, none of these suffer a pretense of insight or perception, sensory or otherwise. More likely is that the words, images, ideas, even the voice that I currently assign to the manifestation of the Almighty, Prince of Peace, Emmanuel, Yahweh, etc. only serve to further estrange whatever understanding we may share.

No, I do not claim to know the Lord very well, either (I feel more comfortable calling him by a title—The Lord—than a name. I feel at least this is not some binding, limiting classification we assigned him, but instead sort of an honorary expression of our awe that he can append like an M.D. to whatever he calls himself.). I know the voice when I hear it, but who wouldn’t recognize the irreproducible?

I’m not arrogant enough to claim this would be impossible, nor even that difficult. I’m quite sure there are many people who know the Lord well, at least as far as he reveals himself. And certainly scores of humanity know the heart of the Lord, and perhaps I have at least briefly communed in it before. But I’m afraid I have failed to take much initiative on that front; rarely do I seek, so how shall I find? I do not know if I would even know how to look.

But I do know the hand of the Lord. I can see where it pushes me, where it restrains me, where it shields me. And I know enough to know that my life is incalculably better when the Lord is part of it. And that is enough for me to believe and to bow down.

...That's all I've got today, sometimes I feel like that is really all I have, period.

Here is my prayer for today:

My poor heart suffers a most unfortunate affliction: near-sightedness. For the life of me I can’t make it see beyond my own skin.

Lord, give me bifocals that see only others.

Free my heart from the shackles of my selfish prison
Perch it on my sleeve where it can see three hundred and sixty degrees; everywhere but at me.
Let it sit freely, open to be torn apart by what it sees.
Let my heart hurt. Let it be ravaged.
For once let my heart cry out not for its own sake.
For once let me ache someone else’s pain.

Phil 1:21 For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.
(most people focus on the second half, but the first part really gets me more. We still have work to do here! To LIVE is Christ!!!)